Not a rebel yet?
CLICK HERE to register.

Forgotten your password?
Request a new one from Orac HERE.

Current User Info

· Lurkers Lurking: 13

· Rebels Active: 0

· Total Rebels: 1,308
· Newest Rebel: Rachel_4_Avon

Login Help

If you are having problems logging in, please bear in mind that if you originally registered at the site before 8th January 2014 and you haven't re-registered since that date your old login details will no longer work. If this is the case, please re-register, preferably with your former username. If you are having trouble with the registration process itself, try looking HERE and HERE for help and advice. If you need further assistance, please do CONTACT us.

Current Poll

Who is your Favourite Guest Rebel?

Avalon - (Project Avalon)
Avalon - (Project Avalon)
22% [46 Votes]

Selma - (Horizon)
Selma - (Horizon)
4% [8 Votes]

Tyce - (Bounty)
Tyce - (Bounty)
14% [30 Votes]

Norm One - (Redemption)
Norm One - (Redemption)
1% [2 Votes]

Bek - (Shadow)
Bek - (Shadow)
7% [15 Votes]

Kasabi - (Pressure Point)
Kasabi - (Pressure Point)
14% [30 Votes]

Hal Mellanby - (Aftermath)
Hal Mellanby - (Aftermath)
17% [35 Votes]

Hunda - (Traitor)
Hunda - (Traitor)
4% [8 Votes]

Deva - (Blake)
Deva - (Blake)
13% [27 Votes]

4% [8 Votes]

Votes: 209
Login to vote.
Started: 09 July 2016

Polls Archive

Forum Activity

Newest Articles

B7 Images

+ Privacy Policy+

In line with the new General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) that came into effect on 25th May 2018, we have updated our Privacy Policy. Click HERE for details.

View Thread

 Print Thread
September 2021 Ficlet Challenge
The phrase prompt this month is … A LEG UP

And for the second challenge:

September is Back to School month. I wonder what our favourite characters were like at school?

Happy writing!
Are we allowed to use words of more than four letters again yet..?
Ganminime LOL
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean I won't.
Well I hope it's more than 4 letter words...I'm still recovering from last month!!!!!!
Cold.....you don't know the meaning of cold.
Cold is when you have ice on the INSIDE of the window!!!

sues stories http://sjlittle.w...
sues youtube channel http://www.youtub...e54/videos
sues book shelf https://www.media...ne%20Shelf
rebel run video http://www.youtub...prqS-XZtLo
Lara and Sue's Stories http://lectorisal....webs.com/
Lol, me too! I’ve been seeing little squares in my everyday vision ever since I had to do that.
Boys Will Be Boys

‘You are a clever lad, Kerr Avon’, said the headmaster, circling the boy who stood to attention in his office. ‘You are very good at maths and science, and you also seem to have a knack for literature, which is a rare combination. Your performance in PE is also not as bad as it usually is among little swots like you; although Mr Crefft tells me that you tend to run like a girl.’

Avon bravely suppressed a surge of anger. Trust the PE teacher to make a comment like that! The grumpy sadist was always quick to humiliate.

‘You could have a fine career before you, Kerr Avon, if it weren’t for you stubbornness and defiance. Just look at you! What were you thinking – embellishing your school uniform with leather strips and studs? Is this what a decent Federation citizen looks like?’

Kerr didn’t answer, well knowing that the headmaster didn’t expect an answer. He enjoyed talking down to children and lecturing them.

‘Obviously, you still haven’t realised what it means to grow up to be a respectable citizen. It is not about you, it is about your duty to the state, about...’

Interrupting the headmaster mid-sentence, the door was flung open, and in stormed none other than Mr Crefft.

‘Sorry for the interruption’, he panted. ‘But your immediate attention is required. The janitor caught young Roj Blake behind the hoverbike shed, playing medic ... and with his cousin into the bargain!’

The headmaster stared at the newcomer in disbelief. ‘That wretched Blake family’, he growled. ‘I’ll bet they will all end up on a penal colony sooner or later!’

He turned back to Kerr. ‘Let that be a lesson to you’, he reminded the boy. ‘A tiny step in the wrong direction, and before you know it, you are on the slippery slope towards rebellion and will be outcast from our benevolent society. – You are dismissed! Just take off that leather and studs.’

They ushered Kerr out of the room. In the hall outside the office, the boy took a deep breath. Thanks to this Blake character, he was off the hook. He had already heard a thing or two about Roj’s exploits but always hesitated to meet the other boy. After all, they were both leaders of their respective little gangs and should stay out of each others way. On the other hand, it might be interesting to get to know this lad who seemed to have as little respect for the the school regulations as Avon himself.

Maybe another time. For the moment, he had better things to do. He had already discovered Mr Crefft’s private folder on the school server, and the security was a joke. He might be able to find something in there that could make life hell for the PE teacher. Or help Kerr to supplement his allowance.
A Man with an Eyepatch

Blake picked a leg up from the floor. Literally. It was the hairy leg of a man but of a bloodless pallor. At the end where it should be attached to the body, there was no sign of flesh and bone, but a neat mechanical connection with electronic contacts.

‘Whose is this?’ he asked.

‘Ah, you found it!’ Avon exclaimed. ‘It must have fallen from the workbench. Would you put it back, please?’

Carefully Blake wandered towards the workbench whose surface was littered with even more body parts of the bloodless variety.

‘You are trying to build an android?’ Blake asked, always one to state the obvious.

‘I got the idea when Travis tried to trick us with that Avalon android’, Avon explained. ‘I thought we might as well kill Travis and replace him by an android programmed by me.’

‘To kill Servalan and start a revolution?’

Avon shoook his head. ‘They would get rid of him too soon’, he argued. ‘No, our Travis double must act in a much more subtle manner. At first obeying orders, but working to destroy the Federation. It’s a long-term plan. We just have to make sure that we never kill our Travis II, even if we have the perfect opportunity. Although that might look suspicious.’

Blake frowned and pointed to the leg. ‘How do you know how Travis’s legs looks like?’ he asked. ‘I have never seen a public photograph of him wearing shorts!’

‘Nobody has. I just used standard parts.’

Blake took a closer look at the assembled body parts and frowned again. Everything was wrong: the shape of the body; the face; the uniform; even the eyepatch looked different.

‘This doesn’t look a bit like Travis’, he complained.

‘I am a cyberneticist, not a designer’, Avon sighed. ‘I can’t shape the parts. Instead I tried to get my hands on those that fit best.’

‘I wouldn’t want to see those that fit even worse’, Blake scoffed. He was suddenly reminded of that Marilyn Monroe robot assembly kit he had seen in a shop on Callisto. The likeness (or better, unlikeness) was on a similar level.

‘Do you really believe anyone would fall for your Travis II?’ said Blake, shaking his head.

‘Of course they will. They expect to see a man with an eyepatch, and that is what they will get: a man with an eyepatch.’

Blake still wasn’t convinced, but nonetheless he was willing to try out the fake Travis. After all, what could possibly go wrong?
Brilliant stories, laugh out loud.
My views are my own.

VILA: I'm entitled to my opinion.
AVON: It is your assumption that we are entitled to it as well that is irritating.

Twitter: @TravisinaB7
Hugbot. Those are BRILLIANT and very funny. I have missed your fics.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean I won't.
Cygnus Bazza
‘A Leg Up’ (or ‘An Eyeful for Travis’)

“OK”, said the optometrist. “Read the single letter on the top line for me.”



“I did! It’s ‘A’!”

“It’s OK… Just my little optometrist’s joke… Very good, very good - but a bit easy. Try the fourth line.”

“L ….. E ….. G ….. U ….. P”

“Now what about the line below that?”

“What line below that?”

“Mmm… That’s not good! Not good at all. It seems to me, Mr… Mr…”

The optometrist scanned the patient’s notes in his hand.

“It’s just ‘Travis’.”

“Well, it seems to me, Mr Justravis, that you definitely need a monocle.”


“Yes. Clear signs of degenerative myopia in your good, I mean your only, eye. Has anyone ever told you you’re very short-sighted?”

“Not half. Servalan mainly. But I don’t think she was referring to my ocular health. And I’m NOT wearing a bloody monocle. I’m the Federation’s hardman! I’d look like a right numpty!
Being the bad guy’s all about THE LOOK!”

“The look? Mr Justravis, my only concern is for your eyesight. I need to give your good, I mean your only, eye a leg up, so to speak. But if you’re so concerned with style over substance, may I suggest you consider a transition lens?”

“A TRANSITION LENS!” Travis bellowed. “ARE YOU JOKING? I can’t strut around intimidating rebel scum with black insulating tape plastered over one eye and a black monocle clenched awkwardly in the other. I’d look completely ridiculous! My victims would barely be able to suppress a final, defiant snigger when I topped them!”

“You could ask them to move indoors and wait for your lens to clear a bit before you ‘top’ them, as you so delicately put it. Might that work?”

“No it freakin’ wouldn’t! You clearly don’t get it, Dr… Dr…” Travis squinted at the name on the certificate pinned to the wall beside him. Noting his difficulty, the optometrist interjected helpfully:

“Dr Oculus.”

“Well, Dr Oculus, it’s painfully transparent you don’t understand the nature of my professional work. It’s not enough to seek, locate and destroy rebel scum. I need to seek, locate and destroy rebel scum while looking significantly cooler than them! No stupid Kevin-Keegan-scrunch-perm or tin-foil-tunic for ME, thank you VERY much indeed! Just the man-in-black. Classy. Classic. None more black. Like a Spinal Tap album sleeve. BUT NO PANTO-VILLAIN MONOCLE!”

Dr Oculus was distinctly unimpressed. “I’m distinctly unimpressed. It won’t help your image if you go about squinting. You’ll end up loosening the insulating tape over your other eye. Imagine THAT starting to peel off while you’re having a ding-dong with Servalan. She’d wet herself laughing! Now why don’t you calm down, Mr Justravis, try this monocle on for size and have another crack at that fifth line…”

“I ….. H ….. A …… T …… E ….. B ….. L …. A ….”

“Whoa, whoa! I’m sure THAT’s not on my chart…”
M1795537 OC Virn
Great to have Huggy back and in such good form! CB - I might have known you'd have something to say about legs...

(This started out on one prompt, and accidentally morphed into both...)

A leg up

"I'm sick of this."
Ammi watched her son throw his screen into the locker.
"You'll never make Alpha if you don't work," she warned.
"Not listening!" he laughed and ran out of the room.
Sticking with the assignments was the only way, Ammi knew. They couldn't pay for extra tuition, so if he didn't even bank the work he'd been set, he'd fail the grading for sure.

"Books just aren't his thing," Jorg argued when Ammi broached the subject that evening.
"You want him to spend his life slaving as a worker?" she challenged angrily, "As you do, since..."
"Stop!" Jorg fired back, "I had no choice! The Federation have been good to us since, haven't they?"
Ammi said nothing. Yes, the Feds had been good enough to quash his conviction, after the coup attempt failed. They even gave him a job, of sorts, but it wasn't enough. Her son deserved better.

The room fell silent as the tutor confronted the boy.
"Cal, - the next in the sequence is -?" There was no answer, other than a few muffled sniggers from the back seats. The tutor frowned, "You don't remember this technique?"
Cal shrugged disinterestedly.
"Stand when you speak to me!" the tutor roared. The boy slowly unfolded his gangly teenage legs.
"I didn't speak," he returned insolently, "Until now."
There was more giggling among the other pupils. The tutor sighed. He'd tried hard with Cal. The boy was a natural leader. He had talent, determination - everything he needed to succeed, yet he insisted on playing the fool. But what did you expect from the son of a traitor?

"Space Force?" Jorg spat the name, "No son of mine..."
"Technically, I'm not your son. And school's a waste of time," Cal answered, with finality, "They pick on me all the time. You know why. But I can still make Alpha as a cadet. They want local recruits, don't they? Just sanction my application." He saw no shame in taking the military route.
"You're using your mother's name?" Jorg frowned as he read the screen.
"I won't get in with yours, will I?" the boy replied with a sneer, not bothering to hide his disrespect.
"The Federation will steal your life, Cal!" Jorg raged, "I know them - "
"They won't steal mine," the boy argued callously, "I'm going to use them. Not sell out to them like you did."

"Name?" the Recruiting Sergeant asked, automatically approving the application.
"Cal," the boy replied, inexpertly standing to attention, "Cal Travis, sir."
"Welcome to the service, Travis," the Sergeant grinned appreciatively, "I have a feeling you're going to go far."
You're not sulking, I hope?
Cygnus Bazza

St Dickwibble’s School for Boys: Annual Report on Pupil Progress

Name: Kerr Montgomery Aloysius de Pfeffel Avon
Form: Human

English: Essays invariably revolve around one subject: himself. Highly individual writing style – has the unusual habit of making virtually every sentence he composes sound like a veiled threat.

Art: Very good at self-portraits. In fact, never produces anything EXCEPT self-portraits. Served double detention following highly creative suggestion about where Mr Shaftbottom, Head of Art, should insert his extra-wide hog-bristle brush.

Religious Education: Theological feistiness not always well-judged. Upset a visiting bishop by vehemently asserting that God simply cannot exist because “there wouldn’t be room for two of us”.

Maths: One is clearly his favourite number. Struggles to apply himself adequately when two or more are involved.

Computer Studies: Highly able but tendency towards inappropriate application of skills. Rewired entire ICT suite during a single lunchtime so he could hack into the Parent-Teacher Association’s bank account - without telling Mr Bottwobble, Head of ICT, who would very much have liked a cut.

History: Resolutely uncooperative in class. Says he refuses to study any subject that he himself isn’t in.

Geography: Not a natural geographer: completely uninterested in contour maps of the Peak District and average annual rainfall in the Sheffield area. But doesn’t mind a volcano and has a strange fascination for quarries.

Drama: Definitely knows how to milk it on stage. A natural Richard III. Remarkably successful at securing the attention of female audiences ‘of a certain age’. Produced a strange piece called ‘Sarcophagus’ for this summer’s School Drama Festival which involved liberal, though arguably ill-judged, use of the dressing-up box.

Science: Definitely his subject. Ironic, given his complete lack of chemistry with other pupils. But keen on biology one-to-one practicals (so I hear on the grapevine) and extremely adept with a proddy tool (see previous comment on biology one-to-one practicals).

PE: Highly individual running style. Effective at surmounting hurdles, though it often takes him an entire episode to do so.

Overall Form Master’s Comment: A very able pupil who nevertheless appears to have an extensive range of clinical psychological ‘issues’. The smart money in the staffroom is on Kerr either (i) serving time in a penal colony or (ii) ending up as Prime Minister.

House Master’s Comment: My interactions with Avon Minor have, without exception, revealed him to be self-centred, callous, vain, dissolute and conceited, with a definite cruel and vindictive streak. Obvious prefect material! Keep it up, Kerr! (See previous comment on biology one-to-one practicals.)

* * * * * * *

M1 et al: please feel free to suggest additions...
M1795537 OC Virn
Excellent, CB. I suspect that your old Professor, Heathcote-thingy, would be proud of you.

Additionally then:

Music: his comments on other pupils' performances show a superbly cynical and sarcastic turn of phrase, second only to my own. It would be easier to make an assessment of his progress if Avon Minor ever turned up to the instrumental lessons his parents have paid for.

Languages: uneccessary. This boy would make himself understood in any language.

CDT: Mr Avon joined the charity group repurposing old power tools. Unfortunately he then used them to construct weapons and to break out of the building.
Strengths: fabrication.
In textiles, shows a distinct preference for leatherwork.
Technology - food: Kerr is a sweet child whose only wish is to succeed. He also has a laser probe. Right now.

PHSE: In my first class, Avon professed an ability to 'look after himself', and has not been seen since.

Extra-curricular Activities: briefly joined the CCF, but left after being accused of stealing amunition. A member of the Debating Society, undefeated this year. Successful in the Gaming Glub, employing unusual methods, including the use of a real dungeon.
Edited by M1795537 OC Virn on 15 September 2021 23:06:12
You're not sulking, I hope?
Cygnus Bazza
A characteristically insightful contribution there, M1. Not surprised Avon Minor skipped formal music lessons and presumably took scant interest in the school orchestra. Much happier blowing his own trumpet. And I assume Head of Textiles at St Dickwibbles was a Mrs Hudson?

Oh - mustn't forget - in response to the extensive private correspondence I've received on the subject, I can confirm that St Dickwibble is in fact the patron saint of stopping people accidentally leaving things out of the fridge. Who amongst us can seriously claim not to invoke his intercession on a regular basis?
I’ve halfway finished mine but may have to abandon- it doesn’t come close to these!!

Can we do a similar school report for Servalan??
Cygnus Bazza
GanMiniMe wrote:

I’ve halfway finished mine but may have to abandon- it doesn’t come close to these!!

Can we do a similar school report for Servalan??

You HAVE to finish, GMM! It's the LAW!

Can’t locate a school report, sadly. But here’s a vignette that might provide just a flavour of Servalan’s formative years….

Scene: The Headmistress’s Study, St Ethelthryth’s Academy for Very Bright and Very, Very Precocious Young Ladies

Dramatis Personae:
- Mrs Agatha Thwickgobbler, Acting Headmistress
- Miss Servalan Smith, aged twelve and a half

“Stop snivelling! Such behaviour really is VERY unbecoming for any female – and ESPECIALLY for any female with even an OUNCE of self-respect! Stop it right now! Then perhaps we can have a PROPER chat about JUST how disappointed I am in you!”

“I’m…. I’m…. I’m SO sorry… Pl… pl… please d… don’t tell my p… parents… They’ll take me away. And I won’t see my fr… fr…. friends EVER ag… again….”

“Well, you REALLY should have thought of that sooner, shouldn’t you, you silly little creature! You should have thought of that before you embarrassed yourself with your CONSISTENT, BUMBLING underperformance, which has been SUCH a hallmark of your time here at St Ethelthryth’s Academy for Very Bright and Very, Very Precocious Young Ladies! Shouldn’t you? SHOULDN’T YOU? So WHAT have you got to say for yourself?”

“I’ll tr… try m… much h… harder in f… future. As h… hard as I can. I pr… promise! PLEASE just give me one more ch… chance! Pretty, PRETTY please…”

“Really! Such pathetic, such DEMEANING behaviour! Haven’t you one IOTA of self-respect anywhere in your feeble, worthless little body? Honestly, I’ve never SEEN such a pitiful display! I mean… really! I mean…. CALL YOURSELF A HEADMISTRESS?”

“I’m s… sorry…., S... S... Servalan – I’ll try harder… much h… harder in f… future.”

“Yes, YES YOU WILL, Mrs Thwickgobbler! If you value your PATHETIC little job here at St Ethelthryth’s Academy for Very Bright and Very, Very Precocious Young Ladies, that is! Oh and by the way - it’s ‘Miss Smith’ to you, not ‘Servalan’. Or – and here’s an idea – yes! Yes! How about......... 'MA’AM'?!”
M1795537 OC Virn
The Forthright Progressive School for Girls
(Sponsored by the High Council)

Leavers' Report
Pupil's name: Smith, S
Overall Grade: A++,A*
(Note: in a progressive environment like ours, it is hoped that Grades are not seen as the end result, but parents seeem to prefer them).

Unit overseer's report:
Smith arrived here after a difficult time at a less enlightened Academy, and it has been a pleasure to guide her development into a young woman of great potential.
In a group of talented students, Miss Smith continues to stand out through her organisational skills, her academic achievements and her work as Head of School. Servalan, who has kindly allowed, after so many years, that I may use her first name, has proved herself a worthy leader of the younger girls, and indeed of the staff, in making sure the principles and standards of the school are fully maintained at all times.
If she has a fault, it is in keeping resolutely to the letter of the law, when an occasional laxity might be prefered - in the right circumstances, of course.

Core Subjects
Mathematics: Grade A+
Taught online, this course proved no obstacle to Student Smith. Hard work has resulted in success and a top grade. Well done, and thank you.

Communication: Grade A++
Smith pays great attention to detail in both verbal and written work. Her wide reading and subject knowledge are exemplary and stand her in good stead for essays, reports and debates. Her interest in interrogation techniques (in combination with her Warcraft Option) shows promise.
Creative pieces are characterised by sarcasm and a decidedly dry wit.

Sciences: Grade A++
Laboratory work has been an interesting diversion for Smith this year. After completing her research paper -'The link between truth and truth serum' - a return to more practical investigations was successful. The resulting (patented) polymer/silk fabric is likely to be taken up by a major clothing manufacturer. A percentage of the profits will accrue to the school. The loss of the two Delta assistants was unavoidable, and covered by her family indemnity agreement.

Humanities: Grade: C (upgraded to B on appeal)(further upgraded to A after review)
Our earlier assessment of Smith was, we are told, incorrect. The error was due to an earlier report detailing a complete absence of any humanity in her dealings with....(part of this report was not transmitted and cannot be recovered).
The final (corrected) Grade of A was awarded after staff met with Smith's family lawyers.

Choice 1: Warcraft: theory and practical. Grade: A***

An unusual first choice, but one in which Ms Smith has proved an excellent student, gaining mastery in a range of weapons, in martial arts and in strategic thinking. Early promise on the Chess table has developed into real skill with concealed weapons. 'A formidable opponent' to quote a recent visitor.

Choice 2: Parenting. Grade A.

After an initial misunderstanding, this student has recovered to an acceptable level in the understanding of others in her care. Perhaps a little more empathy is needed in her approach to younger or less fortunate girls, but those of her mentoring group have shown surprisingly rapid progress, along with a complete absence of misdemeanours. She coped well with the unexplained death of one, and unusual injuries to two others, during a residential weekend. Leadership is clearly a strength, especially when combined with success in her first choice.

Choice 3
Business Studies: Grade A**
From apparent ignorance of finance, due to a background of wealth, this student has quickly grasped the principles of profit and loss. Her start-up 'Pro-tect' business has proved immensely popular with both pupils and their parents. Her second enterprise, creating and maintaining a wide-spectrum monitoring system, is currently undergoing final tests with Federation Security.

Future Plans: Accepted (unconditional place) for Officer Training at Space Force Academy.

What about Blake next, GanMiniMe?
Edited by M1795537 OC Virn on 17 September 2021 14:45:17
You're not sulking, I hope?
Cygnus Bazza
How bloomin' typical of M1 to redact the following from her heroine's report:

Domestic Science: U (unclassified). Regrettably, Smith was asked to leave the course after taking Death by Chocolate too literally. Mrs Lardyarce, Head of Cookery, remains much-missed.
Cygnus Bazza wrote:

How bloomin' typical of M1 to redact the following from her heroine's report:

Domestic Science: U (unclassified). Regrettably, Smith was asked to leave the course after taking Death by Chocolate too literally. Mrs Lardyarce, Head of Cookery, remains much-missed.

Cold.....you don't know the meaning of cold.
Cold is when you have ice on the INSIDE of the window!!!

sues stories http://sjlittle.w...
sues youtube channel http://www.youtub...e54/videos
sues book shelf https://www.media...ne%20Shelf
rebel run video http://www.youtub...prqS-XZtLo
Lara and Sue's Stories http://lectorisal....webs.com/
Honestly, all of these have been great! But I loved Cygnus Bazza’s one especially, really funny and crafty!

OC Virn, what a very illuminating report in many ways! I love all the ideas that have come out of this prompt!
Jump to Forum:
Orac rendered this page in 1.02 seconds
36,670,147 unique visits since 8th January 2014