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B7 Advent Calendar 2020
Joe Dredd
This is the thread for posting the calendar entries in. Contributors, please post your entry on the assigned day, whenever convenient. (If anyone has any problems, please contact any of the moderators.)

There are still days open for anyone who wants to join in. Just add your name here: Click!

Please post any comments on the Advent Calendar comments thread (Here).

My thanks to all the volunteers. We all hope you enjoy our contributions. Please keep in mind that we don't know what each other will post, and every entry is a surprise. If two people happen to have similar ideas then that is just a cause for extra celebration as "Great minds think alike" and it's great to have people with great minds in our club. No one should fret if someone else posts your idea first - that wouldn't be fun at all. Don't worry about it and just post your entry.

Lastly, don't forget that the 24th is a designated "free-for-all" day so if ANYONE gets inspired and wants to join in, please do - that's what the 24th is for!

Regards to all,

Joe Dredd
Hi everyone,

It's 1st December! Let's open the first little door.

Oh, it's another boardgame hoping to be the top seller at Christmas!
Joe Dredd

(Click to enlarge.)
Iain Short
Merry Advent Everybody. What seems like a lifetime ago but was actually just earlier this year someone suggested a game of Blankety Blank / Blakety Blake. What a good idea I thought - then realised how difficult it is to write in the style of Blankety Blank questions. Anyway, this is the best I've come up with, enjoy...

"While in close proximity to the planet Obsidian, Liberator's master computer Zen had been a little too enthusiastic with the forward firepower, leaving Avon and Vila frantically attempting repairs. Perched in a rather precarious position over one of the flight consoles an unexpected communication from Tarrant caused Avon to jump so much he almost singed his _______"
Happy Holidays Friends! Here's a little something from our favorite thief!

Our Vila was so bored late one night manning solo watch on the flight deck of Liberator he decided he'd open a channel to all Federation Military frequencies and entertain the troops with his hilarious jokes and puns. Good thing Avon or Tarrant never found out what he had done. For that brief time, they were all targets of the Military's secret hyper-space-radar. Good thing Zen had intervened and steered Liberator into the corona particles of the nearest sun as to block the ship from being pinpointed and fired at. But back to Vila... it went something like this.....

Hello to all of you in Federation Land. It's me, the master of jokery and witty puns here to entertain you all for the next hour. And if you like what you hear, be sure to run out and purchase my new book, 'Uncle Vila's Hokey, Jokey Joke Book' available at all disreputable Federation stores nearest you. And now for my very best of the best. You military types deserve only the best, right?

I've got to tell you, folks, I just flew in from Cygnus Alpha and oh, are my arms tired. (Was that a groan from the long-distance communications channel he just heard? No, probably not- yet.)

How can you tell Fed Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents.

How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!

You know, I only wish my teeth were as white as my legs in winter!

Why can't the Federation bank keep secrets?
It has too many tellers!

Some words of wisdom. Never catch snow flakes on your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter!

Have you ever felt that awkward moment when you realized Fed Santa has the same wrapping paper as your parents?

So I asked a space pirate, what kind of socks would you like for Fedmas?
He said Arrrgyle.....

Hey, I went to a really emotional wedding the other day- even the cake was in tiers!

How do you know when the ocean is safe to sail?
It waves.

Hey, I really 'glove' you people. Do you believe that or am I just up to 'snow' good?

Here's a poser, If one of Fed Santa's reindeer lost his tail, where would he get another one?
My guess would be at the nearest re-tail shop.

A sailor friend of mine went to a shell fish disco the other day and pulled a mussel.

They told me I had a photographic memory but that I never developed it.

Did you know that Father Fed Christmas has a daughter?
Her name is Mary Christmas.

What country's capital has the fastest growing population?
Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

Hey, what do you call an old snow man?

What do you say to a hitch-hiker with only one leg?
Hop in!

What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.

What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.

And speaking of pearls of wisdom, how's this? Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

It was so cold outside, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Did you know that when swimming, space pirates don't dive?
They cannonball.

And finally, ladies and germs, er, gentlemen, what did the grape say when it was crushed?
It gave out a bit of a wine.

Thank you, thank you all for your applause and your enforced undivided attention. Play your cards right and you might just hear another chunk of my comic genius next FedMas. Ho ho ho and all that jazz. And a very Happy FedMas to you all. Good night, folks!

... transmission mysteriously ends...... thankfully.....
Zil: Oneness must resist the Host.
Time for the 4th door…
A Jigsaw Puzzle!!!
Oh dear, someone has a sneaky plan!
Find out who that is and what this person is up to.

Hidden objects!
Can you find the hidden Christmas icons?
(solution will be posted 24 December)

click on the image to enlarge

Happy Holidays everyone!
Lara&Sue's Blake's 7 stories and *my PD as Kerr Avon Tribute*
*No, I am not. I am not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going.*
M1795537 OC Virn
In one of the crackers at the crew's Christmas Dinner they find a Fortune Telling Alien
To discover your fate for 2021, find a bit of cellophane or (thin plastic film) and cut out the shape of the alien. (Try to be creative). Place the alien in the palm of your hand and monitor its movements:

alien moves its head.............Cally is taken over by a mysterious influence (yawn)
alien moves its tail..............Blake comes up with his latest foolproof plan
alien moves both head and tail........Orac objects to being used as a communications relay
alien's sides curl up............Vila drinks too much and gives the plan away to the enemy
alien turns over..............Avon appears to change sides and/or leave
alien is motionless..........the killer robot attacks you with its flamethrower - slowly
alien curls up entirely........... you are forced to eat mangan with Neebrox
alien holds its head............Gan's limiter is on the blink again
alien laughs........a whole squadron of Federation troops blast it repeatedly but miss
alien walks away...............Dayna shoots it
alien takes over Zen.............Orac teleports it into space where it reproduces rapidly
alien disappears..................Tarrant gives chase and falls over in the quarry
alien wears a furry costume......Soolin pair-bonds with TT and/or Hugbot
alien marks you with IMIPAK.......you realise it's Travis in disguise (either of them)
alien takes off...................Jenna has finally worked out the controls
alien shoots you..................Servalan smiles knowingly and becomes President again

(Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from the Federation)
You're not sulking, I hope?
Vila woke suddenly, and thankfully just before he started screaming. Awake, he had no recollection of what he had been dreaming about; only a lingering sense of terror which left him as far as possible from sleep, drenched in sweat and with the beginnings of a headache. He tried, unsuccessfully, to settle down again. The more he tried to ignore the fact that he was awake, the more indisputable it became. Maybe if he went to get something for his head... or a glass of water... With great reluctance, he reached for the light switch and began to get dressed. If he had to go wandering round the base in the dead of night, best to be prepared. He couldn’t have articulated what, precisely, he felt he ought to be prepared for, but ever since that thing they’d found in the cellar... all right, Avon had shot it dead, but it still served to add a sense of atmosphere to the place that Vila could have done without.

Pulling his boots on, he stuck his head cautiously out of the door. It was deserted on the other side. But safe? He would have to risk it, now. There was nothing there... nothing to be afraid of... His attempts to convince himself lasted at least halfway down the corridor. They failed, abruptly, at the sound of a distant bellow.


Vila nearly jumped out of his skin. He froze as the unexpected shout came again.

Help!” The plea was no more than a disembodied echo, as if someone was walled up somewhere. “Will somebody let me out!”

That was too much for Vila; terrified out of immobility, he crashed through the nearest door in search of somewhere to hide. He retreated again almost immediately, as the light went on to reveal an armed and furious Dayna sitting up in bed.

“Sorry... Sorry, I didn’t... I mean, I wasn’t...” Vila didn’t recognise the gun being pointed at him, which meant it was one of Dayna’s own creations. He hoped she wasn’t about to test it on him.

“Vila! Get out!”

“But... but... there’s something out there,” he stammered, clinging to the door lintel.

“Then you’d better hope it’s less likely to kill you than I am!”

“It’s shouting for help.”

“So will you be, if you don’t move...”

“No, really! Can’t you hear it?”

Dayna, reluctantly, listened. “I can hear something,” she admitted.

“Help!” came the voice.

“All right; so you’re not dreaming; or drunk.” She glared at Vila. “But you can still get out. You’re not standing there while I get dressed.”

“No,” he agreed, without moving. Dayna stared at him, waiting; then she sighed, and offered him the gun.

“Here; take this. I don’t suppose whatever it is will eat you while I’m getting ready. Of course, you can always go and investigate by yourself...”

“I’ll wait outside,” he said hurriedly.

He was still backed up against the door, clutching the handle in one hand and the gun in the other, when Dayna joined him in the corridor a few minutes later. She held out a hand for the return of her weapon.

“What are you doing up, anyway?” she asked him.

“I was thirsty.”

“When aren’t you?”

“I meant, I wanted a drink of water.”

This time Dayna’s look implied disbelief. “Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

“No,” said Vila miserably, trailing after her towards the source of the cries. “Don’t you think we should tell the others? About that, I mean,” he added, as there was another shout.

“Do you want to wake Avon and tell him there’s an unidentified intruder wailing in the walls?”

“Er... no.”

“Well, then. Come on.” They made their way through the corridors, switching on lights as they went; but the lights, it seemed, had attracted attention.

“What are you doing?” Vila spun round, although he at least recognised this voice. A sleepy Tarrant, still struggling into his tunic, was regarding them suspiciously; Soolin, gun holstered, was there too.

“Vila heard something,” Dayna explained.

Vila did? And you’re actually bothering to look for it?”

Before anyone could answer that, another shout echoed, closer this time.


Tarrant blinked.

“See?” said Vila. “You heard it too.”

“We heard it,” agreed Soolin, drawing her gun. The search party increased by two, they carried on, until a clattering from the main ventilation shaft warned them they had found the source of the noise. They approached cautiously.

“Help!” The voice echoed through the pipes.

“That’s why it sounded like they were in the walls,” said Dayna. “There’s someone in there.”

“Who’s there?” called Tarrant. In answer, a series of sneezes echoed through the ventilation system.

“What’s that?” Vila pointed to a plate which had been left below the opening to the shaft, a glass beside it. “That looks like brandy...”

“Leave it, Vila!” Tarrant warned him.

“I wasn’t touching it!” Vila squinted. “And a mince pie... and a carrot?” He looked at the others, bewildered; strangely, Tarrant had turned red and Soolin wore an expression of understanding. Dayna looked as puzzled as Vila himself, but before she could say anything, there was a roar from the shaft.

“You girls and boys won’t get any toys if you don’t get me out!”

“It’s the closest thing we’ve got to a chimney,” said Tarrant obliquely. Vila stared at him, glanced back at the untouched plate, and continued to stare before finally managing to stammer incoherently,

“You mean... you... but... he’s not... I mean... you can’t... no.”

Soolin rescued him before he could manage to form an intelligible sentence. Turning to Tarrant with a sweetly expectant look, she inquired,

“So who’s going to explain to Avon that we’ve got Santa stuck in the “chimney”?”
Iain Short
Continuing the wishing of the Merry Advent Everybody. It's early Fandom anecdote time...


I'll set the scene...

The devastating final episode has been broadcast. But us fans are still patiently writing letters to the BBC hoping to change their minds about a 5th season (spoiler - it didn't work -sad face emoji).

However, conventions are happening and my Mother was going to them. For this particular con, I wasn't with her (LittleSue may have possibly been). But this is how through the power of Fandom she released her second B7 song tape. Which includes the song I've linked to.

Anyway, as was usual at conventions back then, there was a disco organised for the evening. I can so clearly remember Mum describing it to me as 'she wasn't NOT enjoying it, but it wasn't her thing and it was too loud in the room to have a normal conversation with anyone'.

So - she went off for a wander and was delighted to find this group of folk singers sitting under a staircase taking turns to sing songs. So she bobbed back to find her guitar, found a chair, sat at the back and waited for an opportune moment to ask for a turn to sing.

BUT THEN, the conversation turned and they started talking about the songtape she'd already released. It turned out that most of them had copies, knew she was at the convention but hadn't been able to find her.

So a little sheepishly Mum put her hand up and said "I'm called Linda!". After a few moments of gobsmackered silence she was asked to sing. Which of course she happily did, performing several songs off the first tape.

Then she asked if they'd like to hear a song that wasn't on the tape and performed the song I've linked to in front of fans other than me for the first time ever. The reaction to it was amazing and there was much encouragement for her to make a 2nd songtape with 'Trooper Grey' on it.

She politely replied that TG was the only other song she'd completed and that she didn't think she'd ever write enough songs for a new tape.

This is where the POWER OF FANDOM comes in. From that one convention meeting, she was given ideas for new songs, offered lyrics to put to music in any way she thought best and was contacted by post by other fans with song ideas. I even remember a couple of people turning up at our house with their guitars having traveled a long long way to get a song finished for the tape! I wish I could remember the track, but I only remember the day at all because I was annoyed I had to wear my 'posh clothes' ALL DAY LONG.

New songtape was released only because of the fantastic ways B7 fans find to support each other. So wonderful.

'Trooper Grey' became the one song that my Mother would never dare to not perform when asked to sing at conventions. It also remains my favourite to this day.

Sorry this has been a long post, but it's unique, you'd never hear this anecdote from anyone else. Plus - the early years of fandom were - so much fun. Joyous.

And the point I hope to make is that when fandom does what it so often does, work together supportively, amazing things happen.

Thank you to every fan. 40+ years on, amazing things are still happening. (Like this advent calendar).

Wishing everybody all the best. (Do give the song another listen). xx
The actual date of the festival we know as Christmas had been lost by the time of Blake, and the date the Federation chose for the celebration ( which they renamed Feast Day) happened to be December 8th. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it!

It hasn’t been one of Vila’s best jokes, and somewhat spoiled by Cally’s bewildered, “What’s a kangaroo?” Still, that had been preferable to Gan’s dismissive groan, Jenna’s, “Oh Vila!”, and Blake’s flat, “Very funny, Vila. Have you cleaned out the latrines?”

But he didn’t think it bad enough to warrant Avon leaping from his seat, grabbing him by the front of his tunic, snarling, “One more crack out of you and you’re dead,” into his face, and storming off the flight deck.

There was a startled pause, and then Jenna remarked, “What on earth’s eating him?”

The general consensus was that 1) Nobody knew; 2)Nobody thought it was safe to ask him; and 3) Everybody (especially Gan) hoped he’d get over it without the loss of a crew member.

Well, it wasn’t quite true that nobody knew. They all suspected that Avon’s homicidal mood had something to do with a package that had arrived for him. In itself, this was not unusual. From time to time, the crew would place orders with the Congo Trading Company for goods they had run out of, or had broken. These were delivered to a holding centre on the nearest neutral planet, Zen transported them to the Liberator and Avon then erased all traces of the transactions. Blake wasn’t happy about the practice- shopping didn’t seem the sort of activity that desperate rebels should engage in - but on balance, he preferred it to weeks of Jenna moaning about the state of her hair, or Gan’s plaintive comments about how much better food tasted with brown sauce. Avon’s parcels usually came in hard, lumpy packages or boxes, but this had been flat and soft, and, when Zen announced its arrival, Avon had sucked on his teeth and carried the item away with an odd mixture of distaste and resignation. His mood had turned foul and got fouler, from that moment.

The run up to the festive season coincided with a rare period of calm for the rebels - mainly because Servalan and Travis had both succumbed to heavy colds and their cries of “Bet me ber Liberabor,” and “By am bor deaf, Blabe,” were being ignored by their subordinates on the grounds that they were incomprehensible. Released from manning the neutron blasters, the crew used their free time to prepare for the feast, while keeping out of Avon’s way. Cally did attempt, surreptitiously, to ‘read’ what was going on in his mind, but the flashes she got of “Every damned year... What makes her think she’s got any skill in that direction?... How the hell did she get it here?... Why me?”, did little to illuminate the situation.

Feast day came at last. Vila was, for once, up early, and had prepared a potent (and virulently purple) version of eggnog for breakfast, swearing it was traditional, with the result that everyone got so merry they failed to register Avon had not emerged from his room. Their revelry was interrupted by Zen, who suddenly announced:

+Incoming message for Kerr Avon.+

“Put it on the main screen, Zen,” ordered Blake. The flashing hexagons were displaced by the image of an elderly, but spry woman, a blond haired young man ( who Blake thought looked vaguely familiar) at her side.

“Oh my goodness, it worked!”said the elderly women.

“Told you it would,” the young man muttered. He was wearing a bright red, long woolly tunic, one sleeve of which was longer than the other, and an expression of acute embarrassment. Embroidered on the tunic was a green humanoid ( Rather like a Decima, Blake mused, but more horrible.)

“Don’t slouch dear!” the old woman admonished her unhappy companion. “Well?” she continued, turning on Blake with a quelling eye, “Are you just going to stand there with your mouth open? Get my son for me, please. I haven’t got all day.”

“Umm... certainly.” Blake was both too intrigued and too intimidated to quibble. “Avon,” he said into the intercom, “can you come to the flight deck? There’s someone here wants to talk with you.”

“Who?” the voice at the other end snapped suspiciously. “I’m a fugitive from justice, Blake. Anyone who has tracked me down has to be a danger to us all... I suggest you get us out of here without...”

“It’s your mother,” Blake interrupted.

Silence. Then,“Oh God! Tell her I’ll be there in a minute.”

While they waited, Mrs Avon appraised the crew, leaving them in no doubt from whom Avon had inherited his difficult personality. Jenna, such a pretty face, but you’re wasting it on the rebel. Well now, Gan, you may be big boy but look out for yourself; you know what they say about brawn. So you’re an alien dear, I get that, but that’s no reason to starve yourself, is it? Blake leave your thumb alone. How many of those have you had Vila?

There was general relief when Avon arrived on the flight deck before she could get going on the state of the ship.

“Mother,” he said in clipped tones.

“Kerry,” Mrs Avon stopped in mid flow. “Oh darling, you’re wearing it! Just like your brother. I’m so glad it got to you safely.”

Indeed he was. In Avon’s case it was green, but it was just as lopsided and just as absurdly long as the one his brother wore. The creature embroidered on it in red and brown, was one that had been subjected to a horrific mutation or near fatal accident, its horns misshapen and a red blob of a nose to the left of what might charitably be called its face.

“It wouldn’t be Feast Day without one of my makes. And don’t you look lovely in it!”

“Happy Feast Day, mother,” Avon offered dutifully, sharing a look of silent commiseration with his brother, and stoically ignoring the open grins of the crew.

“Hey, Mrs Avon...” Vila, always game to make a bad situation worse, called drunkenly from the couch on which he was sprawled. “ Hey, Kerry’s mum. You’ll like this. What is it that kangaroos wear for Feast Day?”

Then, without waiting for a reply, he crowed triumphantly,

“A Feast Day jumper!”
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean I won't.
It seems that it is 'A Blake's 7 quote you still use in real life today' Day today.

Well, now, let me make the first move; although I have to admit that I don't use B7 quotes much in real life because it sounds strange to work an English quote into a German conversation, and translating the witty snarks and quips just seems wrong.

Nonetheless, the sarcastic remarks of our heroes can come in handy. Someone praising a completely useless 'achievement' at work? 'Well, hooray for us!'

What I found really useful is a quote for occasions when I have done what I could do and the outcome depends on other people. There are always people who then riddle you with questions about the progress or your expectations. In such cases, I tend to quote Avon (in my best Avon impersonation voice), 'It's out of my hands...'

(Bonus points to those who identify the two B7 quotes I used in this post!)
Used weekly, particularly when responding to COVID deniers and listening to politicians. (The Avon bit)

I'm entitled to my opinion.

It is your assumption that *we* are entitled to it as well that is irritating.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean I won't.
Used regularly: :

Some days are better than others, Section Leader

A statement of fact cannot be insolent - it's in my sig!

No good deed goes unpunished (though credit for that I think goes to Oscar Wilde, rather than B7!)
Twitter: @TravisinaB7

My views are my own
VILA: I'm entitled to my opinion.
AVON: It is your assumption that we are entitled to it as well that is irritating.
One Spare Part
Well, now...
"We're in the centre of a mystical convergence here."
Strangely enough I only tend to use any quotes in my head. One can get some pretty strange looks...especially as a lot of B7 is written so beautifully in proper English.
But whenever someone enquires as to how I obtained a certain item, I just smile and say, to myself, 'I won it in a lottery....'
Cold.....you don't know the meaning of cold.
Cold is when you have ice on the INSIDE of the window!!!

sues stories http://sjlittle.w...
sues youtube channel http://www.youtub...e54/videos
sues book shelf https://www.media...ne%20Shelf
rebel run video http://www.youtub...prqS-XZtLo
Lara and Sue's Stories http://lectorisal....webs.com/
I don’t think I do use any quotes directly, at least not on purpose, but I do have a habit of picking up people’s speech patterns. Although I think my tendency towards explanations in the vein of “the plain man’s guide to alien invasions” can’t entirely be blamed on Vila Grin
trevor travis
A few years ago, I switched to working from a book distributor to working for the publisher we distributed for. I had my reasons for leaving and was counting down the days (until I reached the final week, at which point I started to become very sad instead).

I handed in my notice to my director (it had to be her, because my direct manager - who herself had handed in her notice a week or so before - was no longer on the same site). I was determined to tell the director that "Staying with this company requires a level of stupidity that I no feel capable of."

I didn't do it. In the end, I was quite glad of that. I left on good terms instead and even went to the Christmas Party the year after I left, having popped in a few weeks earlier to say hello to everyone on a day off.
Many Dutch people have a certain command of (mostly American) English, so I can use the quotes aloud if I like. But I usually hold back, because the glazed glances given in response work on my laughing muscles, which is not very useful in the situations in question.

“It's an old wall Avon.” (Servalan in Rumours Of Death )
When thinking that someone’s misbehaviour will catch up with them eventually.

“Try greed. It's usually reliable.” (Avon in Mission to Destiny)
When wondering about someone’s motive.
Lara&Sue's Blake's 7 stories and *my PD as Kerr Avon Tribute*
*No, I am not. I am not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going.*
Iain Short
littlesue wrote:

Strangely enough I only tend to use any quotes in my head. One can get some pretty strange looks...especially as a lot of B7 is written so beautifully in proper English.
But whenever someone enquires as to how I obtained a certain item, I just smile and say, to myself, 'I won it in a lottery....'

That's perfect Sue, I must use that one more.

The ones that I use:

Usually in an argument "You're as close to death as you have ever been" - Sarcophagus.

"And supposing I do Not wish to know this." - Ultraworld

"Do you want to wait around until we hit something soft?" - Blake. I use this one A LOT.

"This is not the best of times." - Aftermath. Seems to be have been appropriate at so many occasions.

And of course, if anyone ever refers to anything as being stupid I always reply "When did that ever stop us?". What B7 fan wouldn't??
M1795537 OC Virn
My family seems to have adopted, "Never assume anything..." on a regular basis. Servalan says a lot of profound things, if you listen carefully (and miss bits out). I recently made myself and my cadets rather fetching t-shirts with Servalan quotes: I have one like my avatar, and a second that says 'Behold the mutant shall wither', while the others are 'Imagination our only limit', ' No game is a winning hand until it is played', 'Be very careful what you are sure of' and 'Anything is possible'. Great stuff, Hugbot.
You're not sulking, I hope?
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