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B7 Advent Calendar 2019
Joe Dredd
This is the thread for posting the calendar entries in. Contributors, please post your entry on the assigned day, whenever convenient. (If anyone has any problems, please contact any of the moderators.)

There are still days open for anyone who wants to join in. Just add your name here: Click!

Please post any comments on the Advent Calendar comments thread (Here).

My thanks to all the volunteers. We all hope you enjoy our contributions. Please keep in mind that we don't know what each other will post, and every entry is a surprise. If two people happen to have similar ideas then that is just a cause for extra celebration as "Great minds think alike" and it's great to have people with great minds in our club. No one should fret if someone else posts your idea first - that wouldn't be fun at all. Don't worry about it and just post your entry.

Lastly, don't forget that the 24th is a designated "free-for-all" day so if ANYONE gets inspired and wants to join in, please do - that's what the 24th is for!

Regards to all,

Joe.
 
Joe Dredd
Hi everyone,

It's 1st December! Let's open the first little door.

Ooh, it's a puzzle!
 
Joe Dredd
It's time for another round of Graphite Writing Stick-tionary!

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws.jpg

The rules are simple. One twit (me) is given a graphite writing stick and asked to draw something. The rest of you have to try and guess what I am thinking of, or indeed how much I have been drinking before I tried this, and would it have killed me to take some drawing lessons, already?!?

The category is, again, B7 episode titles. Can you guess them all?

As usual, clicking on the pictures will give you a bigger, clearer image to look at.
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:34:22
 
Joe Dredd
Example:

This (abandoned) picture represents that famous fourth season episode, "Donkey Donkey Entrance". Hopefully it helps you get on the right wavelength.

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws0.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:34:54
 
Joe Dredd
No. 1

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws1.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:35:15
 
Joe Dredd
No. 2 - This picture represents TWO episodes.

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws2.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:36:07
 
Joe Dredd
No. 3

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws3.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:36:27
 
Joe Dredd
No. 4

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws4.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:37:23
 
Joe Dredd
No. 5 - I'm thinking of one particular episode here, but you could come up with FOUR episode titles (two would have to be pluralised).

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws5.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:37:56
 
Joe Dredd
No. 6

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws6.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:38:22
 
Joe Dredd
No. 7

www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_gws7.jpg

Please click on the image to see it properly.
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:39:11
 
GanMiniMe
Avon ran onto the deserted flight deck; it was completely engulfed in smoke.
“Damn!” he cursed, running to take the cover off one of the panels. “Zen, where are the others?”
“That information is not available,” replied Zen in his usual disinterested monotone. Avon levered the cover off the panel and peered in. He had to lean right in close. Behind him, unseen, a large figure silently crossed the deck to the corridor and disappeared.
“Why didn’t you tell me the circuit was overheating again?” demanded Avon.
“The circuit is functioning within normal parameters” came the reply. The flashing lights on the viewscreen were barely visible. Avon’s head snapped up.
“What?”
“The circuit is functioning within normal parameters; it is not overheating,” repeated Zen.
“Systems report!”
“All systems are functioning normally.”
“Then what the hell is all this?” Avon shouted, rapidly losing patience.
“Unknown.”
“Avon!” Jenna came running onto the flight deck, with Blake right behind her. It took them a minute to make him out. “I smelt burning…”
“I thought you said you’d fixed the drive circuit!” said Blake. Avon spun on his heel to face the viewscreen.
“Zen!” He barked. “Confirm that all systems are functioning normally.”
“Confirmed,” replied Zen. If he were able to, he would have sounded weary of repeating himself. Avon turned back to Blake. “Satisfied?”
“Not really,” said Blake, straining his eyes to look around. Cally had joined them by this point.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “Are we under attack?”
“Oh, no!” came an anguished shout from the corridor. Vila’s silhouette could be seen through the smoke, standing in the doorway. He then turned and ran purposefully down the other corridor, where the other figure had gone just moments earlier. The others, mystified, followed. It wasn’t like him to run towards danger. “Gan!” he shouted.
“I know!” came an answering shout from further down. The smoke was even thicker here- it was making the others cough and stinging their eyes. They could just make out Vila disappearing through a little-used door on the left. They crowded into the doorway.
Vila was hovering and commiserating while Gan, wearing a faded pink gingham apron and thick oven mitts, energetically and fruitlessly fanned something flattish, blackened and smoking profusely. A little flame licked at one corner. As the air began to clear he looked up into the astonished faces of his comrades.
“What’s all this?” asked Blake.
“They’re mince pies,” said Gan sheepishly. “But they’ve burnt.” Avon approached the worktop.
“You nearly reduced the greatest ship in the galaxy to ashes making mince pies?” he snarled.
“Yes.” Said Gan. “I’m sorry. I wanted to make something traditional for Christmas. I thought it would be nice to make an effort this year. Not so long ago I thought I’d be spending this Christmas on Cygnus Alpha…”
“…Or dead,” rejoined Vila. “For all we know we might all be dead by next Christmas.”
“Well we certainly will if you try and cook again,” said Avon drily. He turned to Blake, expecting him to say something stern, but he and Jenna were both laughing helplessly.
“Oh, well,” said Vila with a slight shrug. “At least mince pies aren’t eaten by themselves.” He indicated the green bottle that he had been carrying all this time.
“Sherry, anyone?”
 
Anniew
Christmases Past

I remember that Christmas.
The crisp winter sun and the
Snow flakes you caught on your tongue.
I remember
We hunted deer and roasted a haunch
Over the fire.
I think ... yes, I think ...
I remember the taste of that happiness.
xxx

Perfect. The gift I
Found for you. I dreamt
Your smile as you unwrapped it,
Your fingers playing with the ribbons,
The pleasure you took
At being known.
Smiling, I began the order,
And then ...
Voice drying in my throat ...
I knew -
I was too late -
The time for gifting, gone.
As the screen went blank,
I woke to darkness. And another
Day alone.
xxx

That first time. Nose pressed
Against the viewing port. The dark
Silk of space lit by a thousand stars.
Struggling to breath, I saw the
Vast beauty of the universe
And understood.
It was my home.
xxx

We didn’t do Christmas. Not in the
Stews. Always hungry. Not starving,
Mind. Mum made sure of that. But always
Hoping for a bit more.
And we’d smell the Alpha Feasts and
Take a nip of home brew - rotten stuff -
Even the kids.
Lifting our spirits with spirits,
You might say.
Oh, please yourself.
But once ... just the once ...
I found a bit of fruit they’d overlooked.
Couldn’t believe it.
The colour: that glowing orange.The smell.
Half of it was covered in
Greenish fur, so Mum said not to eat it.
But still ...
Good times.
xxx

There was singing. You always sang;
Blasting the tunes out as you cooked,
Full voiced.
Murdering them, I’d think,
Gritting my teeth as you hit another
Wrong note. And all the while,
Your hands were busy,
Slapping and pulling dough
Into fantastic shapes.
What would I give
To hear you sing again.
xxx

I feel their memories but do not understand.
This season, Christmas,
Means much to them: little to me.
We have no traditions like this
On Auron.
Feasting. Gifting. Lights ...
How wasteful it all seems. And yet ...
This sharing comforts me, and brings me
Joy.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean I won't.
 
trevor travis
TT and Og Productions proudly present…

“Hold it, right there!”

Hi Blake, how’s it going? And why are you pointing that gun at me?

“You know fully why, TT! You’re about to do one of those wacky Alternative Ends to an episode for the Horizon Advent Calendar, aren’t you?”

Well, yes Blake, I am.

“And every year I get killed off, don’t I?”

Well, some years, I guess…

“Some years? Make it every year. And even when I’m not in the episode to begin with!”

I don’t know what you mean, Blake.

“Don’t think I didn’t spot that reference to the Tachyon Funnel being used on Gauda Prime when you did your alternative Orbit. I did! Every year I die, while Avon and Vila usually survive, and furthermore, Avon normally ends up as ruler of the galaxy! While I’m not having it this year, so I’ll be you watching as type. NO funny business and NO breaches of the fourth wall!”

Oh, come on, Blake, why ever not?

“Because you’ll slip in something weird, to catch me off guard, and before I know it, I’m dead again. So, be very careful, TT, or I’ll shoot…”

I think it’s about time I got on with it, don’t you, Blake?

“Very well, but remember NO funny business…”

Here we go then….

TT and Og Productions proudly present…

GOLD: AN ALTERNATIVE ENDING
(If Og was part of the Scorpio crew – to celebrate what was the 38th anniversary of the episode on November 30th)

“It's worse than that, unfortunately”, said Orac, almost with a chuckle.

“Worse?”, queried Tarrant.

Orac was in his element. “The Federation banking system will now take over that of Zerok. All bank notes drawn by the Bank of Zerok will be declared invalid within seven days and all private transactions will be illegal directly. The consequences of this are clear.”

Tarrant looked disgusted. “Yes, they're clear all right, aren't they, Avon? We've just risked our lives, for nothing.”

Soolin was the next to speak. “Not for nothing, Tarrant. We risked our lives to make Servalan rich.”

She threw a large wad of worthless bank notes over Avon.

He clinched his first, threw back his head and laughed manically, while Dayna and Soolin stormed off the Flight Deck of Scorpio in disgust.

Vila and Tarrant were about to follow, when Og interjected: “Me have a Plan B!”

***

One corridor in Xenon Base pretty much looked like another one. Dayna and Soolin stood talking on the corner that connected two, long, drab corridors.

“Have you found out what they’re up to?”, queried Soolin, who was looking lovely.

“Not a clue”, answered Dayna.

Just then Vila came into view, pulling along a truck with several boxes loaded onto it. “Excuse me ladies, man at work.”

They moved to one side, to allow him room to bustle past.

“Vila at work?”, said Dayna incredulously.

“It’s time we discovered the truth!”

“Hold them at gunpoint?”

“No, I have a better idea”, said Soolin. “I once got stuck in the shower room for almost a whole episode. In the end, I escaped via the ventilator shaft – they run all over the base. We can get into that room that is currently under lock and key, and we can find out what this is all about.”

“Talking of showers, shall we have one first?”, asked Dayna.

“Yes. Let’s make it really hot and steamy…”

***

“Hold it there, TT”.

What’s wrong, Blake?

“Horizon is a PG-13 forum. I think you should skip the shower scene.”

Good point. Oh, and Blake?

“Yes?”

You ordered me not to break the fourth wall, and went you’ve just done it yourself.

“Very clever, TT, very clever. Get on with your story.”

***

Soolin and Dayna worked their way along the ventilator shaft. “This is the one”, said Soolin suddenly.

“Is anyone about?”

Soolin peered into the room. “No, we’re OK.” In no time at all, they had kicked open the grille and jumped down in the room. The room was full of boxes, each containing a number of envelopes. There was also a machine in the corner. A photocopier.

Soolin opened up the lid of the photocopier. “No clues what there were copying.”

Dayna ripped open one of the parcels. There was a packing slip, and a sheet of glossy paper that contained a photo. She ripped open one more. The same again, containing the same photo. “You’d better take a look at these”, she said to Soolin.

Soolin took a quick look at one photo, then the other. Then she pulled out her gun.

***

Avon, Vila, Tarrant and Og were all tied up, hanging upside down over cooking pots, in the same underground room of Xenon base where Dorian had once aged to death, after he’d forgotten to apply his Oil Of Ulay.

“Now then”, demanded Soolin. “I want answers. Whose idea was it?”

A flushed Vila, who could feel the heat from underneath him, squealed: “It was Og.”.

***

Vila and Tarrant were about to follow Soolin and Dayna out of the room, when Og interjected “Me have a Plan B!”.

Tarrant scowled. He was in a bad mood, after the swindle had failed. “What is it, Og?”

“Me have this.” Og passed the sheet of paper to Tarrant, whose face suddenly lit up with a huge smile.

“How did you get that?”

“Me simply press the big green button, as Soolin sat down on it! Me think people would want to buy this surely!”

Tarrant beamed again “Og, you’re a genius – it’s even in colour! Avon and Vila, take a look at this!”

“What a picture of beauty”, exclaimed Vila. “So, are we going to sell it?”

Avon was more pragmatic, as always. “You’re forgetting one thing”. Og, Tarrant and Vila glanced at him. “Xenon Base does not have a photocopier.”

“Me thought of that”, said Og. “Me get Zukan to send one. He’ll do anything me ask for. He’s still in therapy, after our Alternative Warlord for the 2017 Advent Calendar, when me threatened to stick my horns right up his..."

***

“Stop right there”, exclaimed Blake, as his finger closed on the trigger.

Oh, come on, Blake, be reasonable for once. I realise it’s a break of the fourth wall, but it’s an important plot point to how they get the photocopier.

“OK, but be careful, TT. Be VERY careful….”

***

Where we were? Oh yes… Og had just made his suggestion.

“Ah yes, of course!”, exclaimed Vila.

“Me reckon we could get ten credits per photo.”

Avon smiled. “Make it fifteen.”

***

Soolin sighed as Vila recounted the story. “I expected more of you, Og!”

“Me sorry!”

“And the rest of you were more than willing accomplishes, were you?”

Vila was getting a bit uncomfortable. “But, you don’t understand, you wouldn’t believe how many millions of copies we sold.”

“We’re rich”, confirmed Tarrant.

“I’ve already bought Gardinos”, said Vila. “And Avon’s had his bid accepted to buy the Federation.”

Dayna was incredulous. “Buy the Federation?”

Avon said: “We’ve been wasting our time running from the Federation all these years. In the end, the solution was simple. Use simple economics rather than force. I also hired an assassin, who has killed Servalan. By tomorrow, I’ll be President. Probably.”

Soolin gave Avon a scathing look. “That’s before I found out your little scheme.”

“You were always included as a shareholder”, squirmed Vila, who was sweating profusely. “Just check your bank account. It’s got ten million credits in it. Any chance you can let us down – it’s getting rather hot.”

Soolin put her hands on her hips and smiled. “Not a chance. Dayna and I are going Christmas shopping - after all, I've just discovered I've got ten million on my credit card.”

“Soolin, you don’t strike me as the type to go shopping”, queried Tarrant.

“This is a very specialist store - it sells guns and explosives. We’ll be back in around in a few days. You should all be cooked to a tee by then, ready for Christmas Dinner.”

“But Soolin…”, protested Vila.

“Bye boys. It hasn’t been pleasant. Come on Dayna, let’s go.”

As she and Dayna climbed the ladder, there was a gust of wind, that sent a photocopy to sail into the air and land face up. A photocopy of Soolin’s rather fine rounded bottom.

“Me thought it was a good idea at the time”, shrugged Og.

THE END


“And that’s it?”, said Blake.

That’s it, Blake.

“So I didn’t end up dying this year?”

Nope!

“And Avon didn’t end up ruling the galaxy?”

Well….

“What do you mean, well?”

Soolin was only putting the frighteners on the lads – she was teaching them a lesson. She came back the following day and released them all.

“So Avon did end as President?”

I’m afraid so, Blake. Oh, Blake…

“Yes, TT?”

I would suggest you move from where you’re stood. You’re still in the location where the story ended, in the room underneath Xenon Base.

“And…?”

That’s Og just behind you and he’s doing some dusting. Unfortunately, you’re stood on a trap door, and if he accidentally catches the candleholder, then…

“Oh come on, TT! Do you think I’m THAT gullible?”

No, Blake, listen, please…

“You’re just trying to distract me, so that I lower my gun, and you can do something gruesome to me…. AAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Oh well, I did try to warn him. Oh, one thing, Og?

“Yes, TT?”

I know we just ripped off that last bit from the Touch Of Brimstone episode of the Avengers, but I don’t think that costume suits you!

“Me think me make a good Queen Of Sin!”

Um, I’m not so sure. I think the tight body-hugging corset, spiked collar and high leather boots perhaps suited Diana Rigg a little bit more. In any case, you know what Soolin was saying about it nearly being Christmas. I thought we should celebrate it. Look in the corner!

“Me see a big table, full of food and party hats! Me like that! Me can’t remember it being there just now, though?”

That’s the great thing about being the storyteller, Og, I can just make it as I go along! Especially now Blake isn’t around to moan about breaches to the fourth wall.

“But there’s one problem, TT. Me have all this lovely food, but me can’t share it with you.”

Ah, that’s easy. See that ray gun that has just appeared in your hand? It’s a fiction ray. Just point it at me and press it, yes that’s it…

With that TT appeared at Og’s side in the underground room.

“Hi TT, that’s clever. Me notice we also now have champagne glasses in our hands!”

“Indeed, I wrote those into the story just as you fired the fiction ray at me. Merry Christmas, Og!”, said TT, while clinking his glass with that of his friend.

“Merry Christmas, TT!”. With that Og turned to face you, dear reader. “And I also wish a very Happy Christmas to you all on Horizon.”

But, at that moment, the trapdoor shut, stranding TT and Og in the underground room, which was now only very faintly illuminated by the phosphoresce glow from some of the rocks.

“Me not like the dark, TT. Please write it, so that the door opens again.”

“I can’t Og. I’m now in the fanfic. I’m not sure who’s in charge of this story anymore.”

At the minute, the landscape completely changed, to the desert. Both TT and Og were buried up to their heads. Their heads were covered with honey. And a swarm of angry bees were approaching.

“TT, me need help!”, called Og desperately.

“Look, whoever’s doing this, please stop!”, cried TT.

You mean you don’t recognise the narrator’s voice?

“Actually, me do! It’s…”

“Oh no”, sighed TT. “It’s Roj Blake.”

It is! And my fun is only just starting. I finally have the power to rule the galaxy – because it turns out that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. We’ve done it! Or rather, I’ve done it!

But first of all, I must torture TT and Og a little more…

I’m going to have a VERY Merry Christmas this year.

THE BEGINNING, JUST THE BEGINNING…

Edited by trevor travis on 04 December 2019 15:17:57
 
Joe Dredd
Let's see what's behind the fifth door...

Hmm, it's B7 Christmas cards!
 
Joe Dredd
www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_card2.jpg

As always you can click on the image to see a bigger version.
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:32:01
 
Joe Dredd
www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_card1.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:31:07
 
Joe Dredd
www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_card4.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:33:02
 
Joe Dredd
www.blakes7online.com/images/news/advent2019_card3.jpg
Edited by Travisina on 07 December 2019 12:32:32
 
Joe Dredd
What other B7 quotes would make good Christmas cards? What kind of wish lists would the crew write to Father Christmas? Why not post your suggestions on the Advent Calendar comments thread (Here).
 
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